It's been a while since I decided to write. Can't think of anything specific enough to write about. I meant to update everyone on how living in California is going. I have acquired a local liaison (a friend, haha) to occasionally show me around when our schedules coincide once in a blue moon. I will for sure make a fun post about all I've actually gotten to see. It's beautiful here. I didn't realize the ocean could be so captivating when I know so little about it. Maybe that's why some things remain beautiful to us. The mystery. I feel so cliche right now sitting with my overpriced Starbucks coffee contributing to the capitalist stereotype pretending to be aloof. Maybe writing a novel or something. All I'm missing are my glasses to complete the look. Got that grunge look going on today, ha.
Today isn't going to be some insight into how to live life. Nothing poetic. I just wanted to get this itch out of my system. Thank you for allowing me the space to do so.
I've had this song playing over and over and over in my head for the part four days. I would say it's becoming a nuisance, but it's a good song so I don't mind. I think it speaks to me because of my affinity to fire. The chorus goes like this:
All you have is your fire...
And the place you need to reach -
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep 'em on a leash
Fire represents a lot of things to us. To me. Just as it's foil, water, it can also represent life. In Greek mythology, it was a secret of the divine until someone brought it down to us so we could survive. Kinda cool huh? It can destroy just as easily as give life. The elements are much this way. We are at the mercy of such things when outside of ourselves. But what about the elements we carry within us? What about our internal fires and the things that fuel us to move forward not back? If you look at some of the people that inspire us the most, the people who traverse the greatest distances and achieve the highest goals, they seem to always have a "why". Something that drives them. And if said "why" is strong enough, it can push us humans to the brink of destruction or the ever elusive sweet spot just before it that we call success. Now don't get me wrong. Success can mean a lot of things. But whatever that means to you, in order to get there, one must pass through the fire and brimstone. And as mentioned before, not fall to destruction first. And when push comes to shove, they were right. All we have is our fire and the place we need to reach. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us going. One foot at a time. It's the line after that where it seems to get interesting though. Demons? Sure, we all have our baggage. None of us can be in another's head so demons are sure to vary as well.
[Ugh another conversation for another time. My fingers can't keep up with my brain...]
But refusing to tame them? That takes an extraordinary amount of faith in one's ability to stay balanced. Teeter tottering on a paper thin wire a thousand feet from the concrete. You have to be a special kind of person to feed from the madness and keep it in check. Most people can't do it. That's what therapists are for. But I think I like this sentiment so much because it requires also stubbornness. A willingness to grit one's teeth and fight for being who you truly are, demons and all.
Anyways. California is a big place, yet to be explored. Had some family in town for a bit. It was good to see them and to force myself to see more of San Diego. The zoo was pretty awesome. I'll have to go back for the panda bear. :) Now that the weather is looking better everyday I'm sure I'll be seeing more of the beach. Running and getting back into shape has definitely been on my mind the last couple of months. Just need to know when to take it easy because nothing good comes all at once. It takes work and consistency and knowing when to rest. I am super awful with the resting. I go hard at things but then burn out, but I'm workin' on that too.
This post feels a bit incomplete. Mind has been foggy the last week. Need to take some time to clear it. Writing helps too. More soon maybe?
